I went out for the second time this month and had a night out at the circus on Thursday. It was hugely entertaining and I was thoroughly impressed by the stamina, skill and energy. There’s a parallel watching performers giving it their all, to anyone who has found something that they love doing. Hours of practise and sometimes pain, wondering when it will start to feel natural and repeatable. Building confidence in knowing you can do something instead of wondering ‘will it turn out ok this time?’
I count myself lucky because I have people in my life that are supportive. This wasn’t always the case so I’m grateful to everyone who has at one point or another shown that they believe in me because it means I started to believe in myself too.
It takes time to become good at something but if you don’t have the support there it's easy to feel like giving up. When I was 16 (yes I remember that far back!), a work colleague told me “exploit what you’re good at” after seeing some of my art work. We didn’t typically converse and he ignored me most of the time (I was but a mere checkout girl) but that stuck, probably because it was one of the few times he spoke to me other than to bark orders. Thing is, I didn’t have the confidence, ambition or direction to do anything with that pearl of wisdom.
I’ve had jobs I was good at and liked but there was no love or passion there. I thought I had found my ‘thing’ after training to be a hairdresser which I loved doing, but I put that on hold as family took priority. I thought I could always go back to it at a later date, but then life got in the way as it so often does and I ended up moving from Scotland to Cornwall (long story - I'd have to write a book to cover that), knowing almost nobody and questioning constantly if I’d done the right thing.
It wasn’t a wrong move but it did take a long time to feel comfortable with it. There was a lot I didn’t consider beforehand which comes from living in the same area my entire life. My confidence again plummeted as I wondered how on earth other people seemed to manage life changes so easily and here was me falling to pieces again.
Comparisons are definitely (mostly) not helpful!
That was four years ago and although I still do have the occasional falling to pieces day, I’m mostly good. I found something I love to do and it has been my constant at times when nothing else is. And the best thing is, I could be anywhere in the world (well not quite anywhere – in the ocean would be a stretch!) and still be able to happily carry on making my trees. I'm always going to have that now.
I’m not entirely sure how I got from going out and circuses to here? It’s a rambling thought process kind of week. Something along the lines of nothing happens instantly even though it might look effortless to others, it’s taken a lot of hard work to get there and whether it’s applause at a show, or something as simple as a ‘like’ on social media, it’s very much appreciated. Oh that was it - something that was said at the circus performance... that advertising and posting on social media only does so much, but word of mouth and telling people how much you like or enjoy a thing makes the biggest difference in the world. Big love to all!